I have observed the phenomenon of the Neglected Child for over a decade. I admit, I’m not a psychologist and might have had to do with a particularly difficult instance of this personality trait, otherwise often referred to as “narcissism”.
It’s striking how the human body can evolve into that of an adult while some unsatisfied core inside turns into the poisonous Neglected Child. As the body grows, this needy core fights for attention, attacks and hurts people closest to it, often reminding me of the hateful IT of an Stephen King. It’s aware of the abuse it received from its parents, yet models its every behaviour on those familiar, but abusive patterns, as if that destructive past were the only way to ground itself, to relate to its environment and to quench its thirst for love and security. It lies incessantly and seeks, for no apparent reason, to humiliate those closest to it. It needs help, it yearns for love and attention, but seeks those in the wrong place, at the wrong time from the wrong person. It uses its professional success to mask the severe shortcomings in its very private life: the lack of true love, companionship and trust. It becomes a master of hypocrisy, and guards its personal, not professional life like a treasure, hiding it from friends, acquaintances and any type of public life. It loathes your close friends, your circle of trust, so it isolates you, creates and pushes you toward conflict, expecting unquestioned loyalty from you in a hate filled environment it created. If you resist, if you argue rationally, you become a traitor deserving immediate punishment and emotional abuse. It manipulates in order to create bonds, commitments and relationships. So, it doesn’t shy away from attributing sexual abuse to a close relative, chiefly to receive your sympathy. Once it has achieved its goal, in other circumstances where you want to support the Neglected Child, it easily dismisses its own claim of sexual abuse with “perhaps I exaggerated”. Later, you find out, it set out to destroy the relative’s life by publicly attributing to him / her unfavourable political views. Years later, you wonder whether the claim of sexual abuse, or the attribution of unfavourable political views were not part of an act of revenge because that relative had dared to leave the Neglected Child?!
If you dare to leave the Neglected Child, it seeks the most bitter and unjust revenge, turning it into dark vengeance. Its one parent did it to the other, pushing it into alcoholism and infernal fire, and told it, this was the reason you marry; and to gain financial benefits, but not love.
Yet, IT always views itself as the victim and fails to see what it contributes to the alienation it experiences. It’s a sad, little, but dangerous creature.
Stephen King is a genius, but you, esteemed reader, knew that.